What to do when your Boss is Mad with you.

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Have you ever encountered a time when you submitted a project late, or you didn’t quite get the calculation correct on an analysis report, or a client complained about your response to them? Your boss might not tell you directly that he/she is angry with you, so it’s important that you pay attention to their body language and tone of voice. For example, your boss verbally tells you that they understand that mistakes happen and that they are not mad at you however their brows are furrowed, eyes are squinted, shoulders jutted forward, and their jaw is clenched. Every ounce of their body language and tone are communicating that they are mad, disappointed or highly irritated with your mishap. And this discourse leaves you horribly confused.

So, what do you do? And how do you interpret the misfired communication expression that your boss has just conveyed? Interpreting communication from someone, especially from your boss, can be consuming and tricky when the messages are inconsistent. Paul Watzlawick, a psychologist well known for his contributions on Communication Theory, put it this way, “One cannot not communicate!” Frankly stated, even if someone does not say a word they communicate very strong messages and they do so with their bodies, their facial expressions, their posture and stance, their eye contact and movement, their hand gestures, their attire and the distance and space that they create between you and them. And those elements of nonverbal communication often send a greater message then the actual words that they say. So, when your boss communicates a message to you and their nonverbal message is different or in opposition to their verbal message you probably are cued into interpreting the nonverbal messages as they speak the loudest. Regardless of whether your boss tells you he/she is angry or you figure this out on your own, you need to address your boss’s anger. Here are three steps how to do that.
 
Breath Deep and Depersonalize
Reflect for a moment and take some deep breaths. Responding quickly and shooting from the hip is reactionary. Whether you are standing or sitting evaluate your body tension; are you rigid and tense? Try to relax your body starting from the top at your head and face, moving down to your shoulders, your torso and then to your legs and feet. Take a few deep breaths and get in a mental headspace where you can respond in a way that is calm and composed. Once your physical body is as relaxed as you can get it then do some head work. Tell yourself that you are not going to take your bosses reaction personally however you are going to deal with the mishap. In an article entitled Use Feedback to Your Advantage from Forbes, the author indicates that feedback is information. Remove your emotional reaction and be open to hearing information that may be useful to your professional growth.
 
Take Stock and Review the Mishap
Now that you are in a better headspace and frame of mind, evaluate the situation at hand. What was your role in the mishap? Was there truth in your bosses’ feedback? Were you late, inaccurate in your reporting or impatient with a client? Evaluate your performance and do your best to review it objectively. Don’t make it bigger than it was or smaller. Try to create a realistic impression and identify the recipient’s evaluation of your work. Take stock in how you handled it and determine your performance areas you that were less than ideal.
 
Execute a Plan to Improve
Based on the assessment of your work performance, determine what plan will best remedy the situation in the short and long term. Do you need some time management help? Can you have someone check your calculations and numbers prior to submitting an important report? Do you need to practice, and role play strategies with a colleague, so you can best deal with clients who push your buttons? Identify the mishap and specific areas you can focus on for immediate and sustained improvement. Let your boss know that you are aware, understand their concerns and have a plan so these mishaps are less likely to occur again.
Interpreting and responding to messages that your boss communicates verbally and non-verbally is an art and a science. Using these three steps can be the launching pad that will allow you to respond to your boss professionally and permit you to reflect and utilize feedback to your professional advantage.

Filling in the Gaps when your Job isn’t Everything

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A young man I recently met at the bank proved to me it’s possible to learn and grow on the job, no matter what you do for a living. The other day I went to my bank to meet with loan officer, Jose, to sign my loan papers for the purchase of my new car. Jose was instructing me on the forms that I needed to sign, and I told him I had some cash I wanted to deposit into my business account. I gently inserted it was cash from the sale of copies of my first book. Jose seemed to express an interest and asked me what I wrote my book about. I told Jose about my book Manage Up! The Ultimate Guide to Managing Your Manager. I shared with Jose that I had been inspired to write on the topic due to several of my coaching clients’ struggles with challenging bosses. Jose was even more intrigued and asked if I could share with him a tip from my book.

I told Jose that one of the tips was that your boss cannot be everything to you just like you cannot be everything to your boss. I went on to share that it is important that you uncover and learn your bosses “schtick” and tap into their strengths. It’s also important to know your boss’s limitations and find other people and resources to fill the gaps your boss is missing. Jose then went on to say that this job, his current role at the bank, was not his true career destiny. He shared that since he was a kid he was curious and wanted to figure out what life was about. His strategy for doing so was to interview older individuals. According to Jose he chatted with random older folks and would ask them their opinions about their greatest life lessons and what their thoughts were about life. He respected these older individual’s life experience and wanted to obtain all the nuggets he could get from them. I thought Jose was on to something and clever for a young kid.

Jose shared that he would ask elderly strangers what he needed to know about life. He expressed that many of their conversational exchanges centered around their regret; regret about not doing various things in their lives. It reminded me of an experiment that was done in the streets of New York entitled; What’s Your Biggest Regret where a large chalkboard was placed on a sidewalk that said “Write Your Biggest Regret”. What the experiment demonstrated was that most of the regrets identified were things people did not do rather than things that people did do. One of the takeaways from this experiment is that most people have regrets of things they do not follow through with. It reminds us that taking risks and tackling fears would be a greater story to share one day rather than chanting the phrases “I shoulda …. Or I coulda ….”. Living with the feeling of regret exposes a missed opportunity. Living with the triumph of taking on risk reveals our potential.

After I left the bank, I realized that Jose was already doing exactly what my book advised. He was using me, and the older people he encountered, as resources to fill in what he wasn’t getting from his job or his boss. At his young age, Jose had learned an important lesson. You can’t count on others to manage you well; you must learn to manage yourself.

8 Steps to getting unstuck with your career

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There are a host of feelings and internal messages that let you know something is not quite right with your career path. It may be that you feel stagnant, unchallenged, frustrated, even irritable in your current position. You may not have the words, the clarity of expression or a way to articulate it succinctly just yet. You just know you feel an itch, a tug, maybe even a slap to the head that reminds you that you are not where you want to be. And when you recognize that this is your current emotional state, you may come to realize that you are stuck. The great news is this state is not permanent. This state lets you know that something needs to change, and you have the power to change it. In other words, this state of being stuck is a calling. A calling to take some action. The following are 8 steps to assist you in getting your career “unstuck.”

Step #1: Hail, salute and affirm that you are “stuck” in your career.
When you acknowledge that your current position is not bringing you the greatest joy and satisfaction, it can give you the drive to start acting. Acceptance and giving this state a name is the first step. Taking stock of your feelings and owning them such as being dissatisfied with your job responsibilities or feelings of being passed over for a promotion or wanting to work in an entirely new field is the first step toward making a career change.
Step #2: Decide to get “unstuck.”
Now that you have identified being stuck, it is time that you decide about taking steps to get “unstuck.” Your decision, in and of itself, to do something different is a powerful activator toward change. Change only comes from our decision to do something or various things differently. You may decide that enough is enough. You want to make a career change. You have decided that you are going to focus on taking this on and doing the hard work to travel a new career course.
Step #3: Take stock. Evaluate, evaluate, evaluate.
There are various options you can use to explore your best career fit. You can utilize career assessment tools such career fitter, Campbell Interest and Skill Survey, or Clifton Strengths Finder to assist in uncovering the best job match based on your personality, innate strengths and talents, your preferred work style and the best work environment for you to thrive. Review and decide which one of these tools would afford you with the necessary information you are seeking. Select one and complete the online assessments. Each are reasonably priced and will provide you with a report containing solid insight and a language to start your job or career change.
Step #4: Consider hiring a career coach.
You may decide that having an objective partner who is a certified professional career coach would provide you with the support and guidance you may need. A career coach like me can assist you in reviewing results in these assessments, provide you with a roadmap to achieving your desired results and advise you along the way. Career coaches can assist you in becoming clear about whether you want a new job, a new career or strategies on how to navigate workplace issues. We can assist you in gaining clarity and actualizing your goals.
Step #5: Use the SMART goal process.
Whether you decide to venture on this journey solo or with the assistance of a career coach, SMART goal setting creates the platform for real results to happen. SMART stands for Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Time-Bound strategies to craft your goals. The SMART goal system allows you to write your goals in clear and measurable terms. For example, a goal focused on figuring out your next career steps may look like this.
By September 2018, you will have taken the educational leap and have successfully and enthusiastically completed the SHRM (Society of Human Resource Management) CP Exam preparation class to prepare and pass the SHRM HR certification exam to begin your job search as a human resource generalist.
Step #6: Break it down.
Next, take those longer-range goals and break them down into bite-size action steps. Make them doable, attainable and ensure that you set yourself up for success. These mini morsels are important steps. You may start by finding three HR professionals and ask to interview them about their role and tips on taking the SHRM prep class. You may also start by joining your local SHRM chapter and attending one of their meetings to meet other HR professionals. You may also commit to reading one HR related article either from the SHRM website or any other business publication like Harvard Business Review three times a week. These small steps will lead to big changes over time.
Step #7: Discipline creates movement.
When you are disciplined and put your action steps into motion, you will start to gain traction. You will uncover and move toward your desired career focus and direction. It is only with these small action steps and your consistency and persistence that real change will occur. Once you have been in the throes of taking that SHRM prep class and have been developing and improving your HR knowledge base, your confidence will build.
Step #8: Stop, tweak and adjust.
Look at your progress in four-week intervals. Are your action steps getting you closer to where you want to be? Do you need to make corrections, adjustments or change course entirely? Has the SHRM prep class proven to be beneficial, have you made meaningful connections with fellow HR classmates and do you need to set a new bar? A new goal? Continue to assess, adapt and enhance your goal focus.
Getting unstuck with your career starts with knowing that you are stuck. The amazing part is that you don’t have to live there. You are empowered and have the tools to make that shift and find the job, career or the tools to navigate your workplace situation effectively. By using these 8 steps, you can move from a place of discomfort into a state of pleasure and relief. Getting stuck is a great place to be. It reminds you that you want and deserve more.

Crafting a Professional Image You Can Be Proud Of!

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Over the past year, there has been an explosion of reports and allegations of unprofessional behavior, abuses of authority and inappropriate treatment of employees from esteemed leaders. Although, those are extreme, there are ways to define and create your desired professional image.

You do not just create your image at one given moment. It is your repeated and consistent behaviors that promote the connections and work relationships you generate. For example, displaying respect and dignity toward others regardless of the situation, circumstance or event that is happening conveys a key message. This message can impart that you have a high regard and value for others. The following three steps will allow you to set the stage for protecting and ensuring your professional image.
 
Step 1: Define the qualities that will create your professional persona.
Start to define what you currently embody and identify characteristics that you want to embrace moving forward. Do you want people to think of you as approachable and collegial? Or is it more important that they consider yourself responsible and disciplined? Get that picture in your mind. Visualize what you look like as that person and anchor that image into your memory. What are you wearing? How do you present yourself? How do you carry yourself? What is the energy and emotion that you exude? What type of presence would you like bring to your work environment?
 
Step 2: Define the image of your role models.
Who do you know either in real life or is a public figure that you look up to? Who are your role models and what is it about them that you admire or adore? Are there ways in which they carry themselves that you would like to replicate? Is there a gesture, a response that they give, a look they show to the world that you would like to duplicate in your own unique way? Are they self-aware and open to feedback from all levels? Do they communicate clearly and compassionately at the same time? Consider all these factors and start to craft the professional being that you would like to become.
 
Step 3: Ensure and check to see if your actions are aligned with your intentions.
Now that you have a good working construct of who and what you would like to create as your professional image put those qualities and elements into your daily practice. Carry out those qualities and put them into motion. Pay attention to the reactions that you are getting from others and be an observer of your own behavior. Are your actions aligned with the professional image that you want to portray, and do they make you proud? Are you communicating messages that are clear and direct in both your words, verbally and non-verbally, as well as with your body language? Are your various modes of communication conveying a consistent message? Solicit feedback from others. Ask you manager, your colleagues and know that all feedback is information. Make any required changes or adjustments in your behavior if it warrants.
You want to pay attention to your current professional image that you are setting as it will have an impact on all your other future professional relationships. This image can create long lasting impressions so determine first what you want your professional relationships to be and look like. You never know, you may become a current colleague’s manager one day. The key is to establish an image that will build professional linkages and bridges for your future endeavors.

Three Ways to help you Achieve your Goals!

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“In an article entitled, 18 Facts About Goals and Their Achievement, by the GoalBand Company, it states that 3 out of 100 adults write down their goals on paper. And that people with written goals are 50% more likely to achieve them”. Writing down your goals is the first step in turning the invisible into the visible. Here is how goal setting will help you achieve your desired results.

Key #1: When you set a goal, you create a clear focus and direction.
Do you recall when you decided on your last car purchase? You landed on that yellow jeep that you always wanted. What happened once you chose that car, that model and that color? Right! You started seeing yellow jeeps all over. The reason this started happening was not due to the universe dumping thousands of yellow jeeps on the road. Rather, you had made a car choice and now your unconscious mind was drawn to finding those yellow jeeps. The same concept works when you set goals. Once you select a goal for achievement, your attention is drawn in that direction. This will steer you toward your goals.
Key #2: Goals build internal pressure.
This internal pressure will propel you to act, just like the internal pressure you feel when you are hungry. You respond to this pressure by eating and resolving the tension. The same concept applies with goal setting. A tension or dissatisfaction occurs when you are not where you want to be. You can harness this pressure to give you the momentum to move your goals forward.
Key #3: Goals can change when you need them to.
As you take steps and work toward achieving your goals, you should evaluate if your actions are effective. Based on your review, you can decide about next steps. You can elect to continue the same course, make course corrections or change direction entirely. Goals are flexible. You can pivot and alter your path as required.
Focus, pressure and ability to change are the three keys that make goal setting work. Regardless, you are going to move in a direction. The question is do you want to intentionally decide on your path or be led. If you want to call the shots, setting goals will allow you to decide your future in advance.
Happy goal setting and future planning! Coach Jackie

Motivation … Don’t Wait For It!

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So here is my theory on motivation. A lot of us wait for that inspirational moment or that motivational thrust that launches us into action. I would say that may work some of the time. But it’s a gamble. When is it coming? Is it coming? There is another way to approach this notion of motivation. DO IT and the Motivation will come!

So when I was training for my various marathons I had to set up my training schedule. I was supposed to run 5 days a week and since I am a morning person I knew it was better to plan my runs for the morning. So I would have to get up at about 5am, have my coffee ready, have my running gear out and ready so all I have to do is get up, brush my teeth, jump into my gear, have my cup of coffee and head out. I had to make it as effortless as I could.
Now let me tell you, there was absolutely not one shred of motivation that I had at 5 am, heading out to run anywhere from 4 – 8 miles in the dark, freezing New England winter morning. NOTHING!! I just did it … and as I was doing it …. The motivation came. If I waited for it … my tuchass would never have gotten out the door.
So taking action will creates and ignites your motivation. Don’t wait until you are motivated to create change! Action will create your motivation!

Managing Your Manager Course

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Have you ever had a difficult boss and were having a hard time dealing with them? Did you know that managing your manager is a skill that you can acquire and develop?

If so, I’m inviting you to join my new Managing Your Manager course which has just launched on Udemy!

In this course, we’ll be covering strategies to:

  • Enhance and elevate your performance and professional standing within your organization,

  • Gain mastery of a skill that is transferrable in any industry and professional domain and

  • Increase your personal sense of job satisfaction and engagement.

My goal is to get 50 students into my course and 10 course reviews by this Wednesday May 10, 2017. I hope you take this opportunity and I look forward to seeing you in the course. Feel free to forward this to friends and colleagues who would benefit!

Udemy course link:

Thank you for your consideration,

Coach Jackie!

One and Only 1 Rule …. No Complaining!

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So, believe it or not I smoked cigarettes for over 20 years and it was only when I experienced this utter feeling of embarrassment as a smoker that I consciously made the decision that day that I was going to quit. You see I had gone on this trip to a women’s fitness camp in Colorado where we biked, hiked, ran, swam — it was called Women’s Quest – and I must give a huge shout out to Colleen Cannon, the incredible owner who is an amazing person and an incredible athlete. During this trip, I had this nagging emotion surface daily as I was with all these women athletes and champions of various sports including a woman named Jacqueline who won the Ironman. I mean okay to even fathom doing an Ironman is one thing but to win???? So, you understand the company I was in. I experience sheer self-disgust and embarrassment. And this disgust led me to make one of the most critical and important decisions in my life. And I quit, Saturday November 2, 2002 I quit smoking and have been smoke free ever since. Looking back, I think what a gift, what a gift these women gave me that led to a healthier freer life!!

Now during the first initial phase of my quitting smoking I had to substitute and replace my smoking with something so I decided I need to select the most counter activity to smoking … so I decided to run. So, in the beginning I was only able to run one street block and after that I was panting, exhausted and out of breath. But over time and with consistency I could run longer and further until eventually I started signing up for small races, 5K’s at first and then one day my sister and I decided we were going to run a marathon with a charity organization and without blinking and eye we signed ourselves up and joined a team. We were not only committed to run a 26.2 marathon in San Diego but we were also going to individually raise $2500 each for our charity. What did we just do?

So, for the next five months we were preparing and training ourselves for this event for San Diego and every Saturday morning we would meet for our long runs which would build up every week in distance and my sister and I were the snails of the group, always last but we ran together to support one another. And on day one we made a pact and that pact contained one and only one rule that we had to abide by during our runs and throughout the entire training and that was we were not allowed to complain at all during our run. That was it. No Bitchin and no complaining … everyone else was a “go”. Tony Robbins once said “80% of success in life is psychology and 20% is mechanics.” I knew that if we could manage our psychology, our mindset, our focus, we could get through this. Because once you allow yourself to start bitchin and complaining the experience alters dramatically. Everything is painful, every step becomes more difficult, and time lengthens beyond imagination and so on and so on. Alternatively, our rule allowed us mentally to stay the course and keep our goal in mind. We were allowed that once we were done we could Bitch and complain all we wanted. But guess what, when we were finished we were so freakin’ glad to be done that the last thing we wanted to do was complain, we were celebrating!

Years later when I trained and ran the Boston Marathon, my coach told us that on race day he was going to be posted at the half way mark and that we needed to find him in the crowd because he would have an important message for us. And that this message was going to get us across the finish line. I had family members and friends posted in various spots on the course knew where each of them would be so I would scour and look for folks at various locations and as I was coming up to the half way mark I starting scouring for Rick. So as I get closer I don’t see Rick so now I am feverishly looking for Rick when finally I spot him and about two hundred year ahead of me I see him squatting in the middle of the road and he is smiling at me. I feel so relieved to see him and get super focused as I know he is going to tell me some vital message. I see him starting to point to his finger to his head and point like this and I am going ‘what?” What the heck does that mean …? And then the light bulb goes off …. Ohhhhh it’s all in my head. Yes it’s all in my head. Okay that’s the message …. That’s what’s gonna get me to the finish line and guess what …. It did!

This same concept carries through in all other areas of our lives. We have to live by few rules and get ourselves into the mental space that ensures our greatest chances for success. Robert Frost said “The best way out is always through.”

©2025 Jacqueline C. Ross, LLC

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