Blog - Coach Jackie Career & Life Coaching

Navigating the Leader’s Tribe Quest

September 12, 2023/in Career Development/by Coach Jackie

“Some people will hear you louder in silence. Those are your tribe – they’ll get you through the tough days and give you something to laugh about on the ride.” Nikki Rowe

As a career development and mental fitness coach, the common theme expressed by my clients has been “tribe related”. During and since the pandemic, many of us have spent a lot of time reevaluating our values and being more intentional about whom we spend time with and where and how we want to direct our energies.

The interesting phenomenon and theme are that folx, of all ages, say they are struggling to find their “tribe”, their “peeps”, their “people”. And many of us are on a mission to make new friends, build new relationships, and connect with others that share our values, interests, and goals. I have been part of this quest to find my tribe as well.

Finding our “tribe(s)” extends beyond our personal world, it is also important to have them in our working and professional lives. As leaders or emerging leaders, it is critically important to find those that we can consider our “Board of Directors”, wise counsel, champions, truth-tellers, allies, sounding boards, fellow commiserators; and in essence, our professional tribe.

So, let’s delve into the significance and value of having a “tribe”. This quest will help you increase your leadership tool belt and will ultimately enhance your professional journey.

So, on a scale of 1- 10, how aware of you of the significance of finding a tribe as a leader? 10 being very aware and 1 being not aware at all.

“In a CEOWorldMagazine article, it notes that the modern high-performing leader is one who understands the power of a work tribe as a vehicle to create great change and with velocity.”

The author shares a fundamental difference between two interesting groups: locusts and geese. She asks you, as a leader, are you a locust or a goose? I know that may sound like an odd question but after reading what may appear to be similar behaviors with each group there really are some profound differences. Here is what it said:

“When they travel to find new food sources, locusts migrate in a swarm and geese soar in a streamlined V-shape formation. To an outsider, it looks as if both the locusts and geese are moving as a tribe, with a common purpose and vision. But don’t be mistaken, these are two very different experiences!

Researchers have shown that the mass migration of locusts, in vast swarms, is driven by cannibalism and sustained by fear. Locust swarms are formed because they are desperate to stay a step ahead of their cannibalistic fellow locusts. The individual locust that fails to continue moving forward is likely to be attacked and risks becoming a source of food for others in the swarm. Yes, you fear that your fellow locust will eat you alive if you do not continue to follow the rules and move forward!

Geese, on the other hand, fly in a V-shape formation, which enhances communication and coordination. Because of this, these birds beat their wings less often and conserve energy on a long and difficult journey. Also, to keep things fair, geese take turns being in the front, with each bird moving to the back when they get tired.

Like the geese, when you soar with your work tribe, they will support you when the winds change direction in your life. They will fly in a V formation with you and allow you to fly higher, faster, and further than you ever could on your own. They allow you to rest and recuperate when you need a break, and to step up and to take your place to lead when it is your time. Your journey to where you are going is much easier.”

What has been your experience within your organization and team? Do you feel as though you are a locust just trying to survive and stay alive or are you part of a gaggle of geese working in formation for a common cause with a shared purpose?

This example illustrates that you can have a tribe but is the tribe you are part of serving you and fueling you and others to grow? Let’s explore four areas a professional tribe offers you as a professional.

First and foremost, your tribe can provide you with the support and encouragement that you need. As a leader, it is often a lonely place and filled with challenges and unknowns. Who are those folx that will keep you grounded and “gumby-like”?

In 2016, I attended a coaching conference in Boston through the IOC (Institute of Coaching) and met a fellow coach Lupe Wood. She and I became fast friends and decided we were going to be peer coaches to one another. We have coached each other since then regarding our personal and professional goals. We have been meeting virtually since 2016 and have built an amazing relationship. Over the years we have asked other fellow coaches to join our group and created a tribe. Our “tribe” meets monthly, and we call ourselves the Coaches Circle. It has been an amazing form of support!

Your tribe will also offer a variety of perspectives and the opportunity to open your lenses to diverse thoughts, opinions, and people.

Our coaching circle has coaches from all different backgrounds, walks of life, personal and life experiences, professional specialties as well as varied coaching practices. Within this network of coaches, I have enlarged and expanded my thinking and perspectives. It has allowed each of us to burst with innovative ideas and approaches. We have taken our coaching practices and business to new heights.

Another value add is that a tribe allows you to make connections with like-minded people which affords you networking opportunities. It enlarges your networking community and opens those who you can support and can support you.

I cannot tell you how often, over the last seven years, the number of connections we helped to bridge for one another. As a matter of fact, one of my foundational coaching frameworks focused on increasing your mental fitness muscles through the program Positive Intelligence was introduced to me two years ago through my coaching circle.

Another key area that having a professional tribe creates is accountability. Yes, accountability. Research has shown clearly that having accountability partners who are invested in the work that you are doing and the goals that you have set, increases your chances of successful goal attainment. Your tribe can activate and ignite your inspiration as motivation wanes and needs constant refueling.

So, holding each other accountable to our goals and offering the type of support each one of us needs is pivotal.

In summation, you are not alone if you have been in search of finding your tribe. You are in very good company. People of all ages are in search of like-minded people who can inspire them to live and work and create the changes they want in their lives.

As noted, finding your personal tribe as well as your professional tribe is crucial for the soul and completely worth the effort. Your professional tribe can be a source of support and encouragement. They can offer a diversity of viewpoints and perspectives. They can help expand your networking connections and will be your accountability partners.

When we have others to help us along the way it makes the journey fun and doable.

Reach out if you are looking for ways to navigate and find your tribe. I would love to help.

“If you want to go quickly, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” African Proverb

The Power of Fun: How Injecting Joy into Your Day Impacts Your Mental Fitness as a Leader

July 27, 2023/in Mental Fitness/by Coach Jackie

As a career development and mental fitness coach, I have witnessed countless leaders navigate the demands and pressures of their roles. One recurring theme that emerges from my conversations is the lack of fun in their day and the significance of injecting it into their daily routines. Often, you as a leader, get caught up in the pursuit of juggling the multitude of tasks on your plate, the desire to succeed, and the intense levels of stress in your life. You may overlook the importance of maintaining a healthy work-life existence and nurturing your inner wackiness and mental well-being.

This blog post explores the transformative impact of sprinkling and integrating fun into a leader’s day and the profound effects it can have on your mental fitness.

The Leader’s Journey: A Balancing Act

Leadership can be both exhilarating and demanding. The pressure to excel, be a role model for your team, stand out and create your unique special brand, make tough decisions, and meet objectives can lead to stress, burnout, and a host of mental health challenges. In a quest for professional growth, you as a leader may inadvertently neglect your own happiness. However, it is vital to remember that your well-being as a leader directly affects your team and the organization’s overall productivity.

In my blog post, MOJO for Leaders, I shared, “Your self-care probably takes a back seat. You are depleted and zapped of your energy because so much of it is going to others. It takes a lot of stamina to be there for your team, especially when you are supporting their emotional challenges and issues. The mental power required can be taxing. And if you do not have a good routine and practice of ensuring that your bucket is filled and gets refilled often, you will have all your juice sucked out of you.”

The Science of Fun and Health:

Studies have shown that incorporating fun activities into one’s daily routine triggers the release of endorphins and dopamine, the “feel-good” chemicals in the brain. These neurotransmitters enhance mood, reduce stress, and promote a positive outlook. Engaging in enjoyable experiences can help combat feelings of anxiety, depression, and emotional exhaustion that may arise from leadership responsibilities.

The article Laughter is the Best Medicine notes the following physical and mental health benefits:

· “Laughter relaxes the whole body. A good, hearty laugh relieves physical tension and stress, leaving your muscles relaxed for up to 45 minutes after.

· Laughter boosts the immune system. Laughter decreases stress hormones and increases immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies, thus improving your resistance to disease.

· Laughter triggers the release of endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals. Endorphins promote an overall sense of well-being and can even temporarily relieve pain.

· Laughter protects the heart. Laughter improves the function of blood vessels and increases blood flow, which can help protect you against a heart attack and other cardiovascular problems.

· Laughter burns calories. Okay, so it is no replacement for going to the gym, but one study found that laughing for 10 to 15 minutes a day can burn approximately 40 calories—which could be enough to lose three or four pounds over the course of a year.

· Laughter lightens anger’s heavy load. Nothing diffuses anger and conflict faster than a shared laugh. Looking at the funny side can put problems into perspective and enable you to move on from confrontations without holding onto bitterness or resentment.

· Laughter may even help you to live longer. A study in Norway found that people with a strong sense of humor outlived those who do not laugh as much. The difference was particularly notable for those battling cancer.”

Fostering Team Cohesion:

Now “fun” can be personal and subjective. What is deemed “fun” to one person may be in direct conflict with what is considered “fun” to someone else. As a leader it is incumbent that you learn about each of your team’s likes, dislikes, preferences, sense of fun, etc. There are many folx who have the adage and belief that work is work and work is just for work. It is important that what is cultivated, valued, and respected are all diverse perspectives and preferences.

At the same time, injecting fun into the workplace can foster a culture of camaraderie and teamwork. If you encourage moments of lightheartedness, you can foster a welcoming environment where employees feel valued and appreciated. A team that shares moments of joy and laughter is more likely to bond, collaborate effectively, and be resilient during challenging times.

Boosting Creativity and Productivity:

Fun and creativity go hand in hand. Encouraging playfulness among team members can unlock fresh perspectives and innovative ideas, leading to more creative problem-solving. If you as a leader promote a fun work environment, you may often witness a surge in employee motivation and productivity.

Leading by Example:

Your actions set the tone for the entire team. Demonstrating a healthy work-life balance and incorporating fun into your daily routine not only benefits your own well-being but also serves as an inspiration for your employees. Seeing their leader prioritize self-care and joy sends a powerful message about the importance of mental health and encourages others to do the same.

Simple Ways to Inject Fun into Your Day:

· Morning Greetings: Start the day with a warm and enthusiastic greeting for your team, creating a positive atmosphere from the beginning.

· Celebration Rituals: Acknowledge achievements, work anniversaries, and birthdays with a short celebration or a small treat.

· Themed Dress Days: Organize casual Fridays or themed dress-up days to let employees highlight their creativity.

· Team-Building Games: Incorporate short, fun team-building activities or games during meetings to build camaraderie.

· Flexible Breaks: Allow employees to take short, unstructured breaks to recharge and have fun.

· Lunchtime Activities: Organize occasional group lunches, picnics, or potlucks to encourage social interactions.

· Creative Workspace: Add some fun decorations, plants, or art to the office to make it a more enjoyable environment.

· Music in the Workplace: Play uplifting or soothing background music to create a relaxed atmosphere.

· Personal Achievements Sharing: Encourage team members to share their personal achievements, hobbies, or talents during team meetings.

· “Thank You” Notes: Send personalized notes or emails to recognize and appreciate outstanding contributions.

· Brainstorming Sessions: Conduct brainstorming sessions with no judgments, where ideas can be freely expressed and explored.

· Workplace Contests: Organize friendly competitions with rewards for achieving certain goals or milestones.

· Workplace Challenges: Set up challenges that promote healthy habits, such as fitness challenges or reading challenges.

· Surprise Treats: Occasionally bring in surprise treats like snacks or desserts to brighten up the day.

· Creative Projects: Encourage employees to work on creative projects that align with their interests and skills. Incorporate gamification elements into tasks or projects to make them more enjoyable.

· Volunteer Activities: Organize volunteer opportunities for the team to give back to the community.

· Inspiring Guest Speakers: Invite motivational or inspiring guest speakers to share their stories and insights such as a career development coach.

· Flexible Work Hours: Offer flexible work hours or remote work options to accommodate individual preferences.

· Personal Development Support: Provide resources for personal development, such as online courses, access to learning platforms or career development coaching.

· Gratitude Wall: Set up a gratitude wall where team members can express their appreciation for each other’s help and support.

As a career coach, I passionately believe that fostering a healthy work environment that prioritizes fun and mental health is essential for effective leadership. Injecting joy into your day as a leader not only enhances your own well-being but also creates a positive ripple effect on your team and the organization. By embracing moments of fun, laughter, and playfulness, leaders can cultivate a more engaged, creative, and productive workforce. So, let us all take a step back from the seriousness of our roles and remember that incorporating fun into our daily lives can be a powerful tool for personal growth and professional success.

Confessions of a Former Smoker

July 17, 2023/in Mental Fitness/by Coach Jackie

Yes, I am a former smoker. Cigarettes, that is. When I quit smoking, 21 years ago, I started moving more, engaging in more physical activities. I have heard that the best time to work out is the morning however we all have different energy time preferences and regardless of when you work out or move your body the time of day doesn’t really matter. What does matter is that you MOVE!

I am just curious. What does your morning routine look like? I have always been a morning person. I typically get up at 5 am and most days I go to the gym in the morning. To do that I plan the night before. I go to bed early, I lay out my gym clothes, I have the coffee machine ready, and I like to have at least 30 minutes to do my am routine, enjoy a cup of coffee, go through some emails, and then head out the door.

In this article, we are going to focus on a component that you can add to your professional and leadership tool belt and that is prioritizing movement and physical activity into your day.

So, on a scale of 1- 10, how aware are you of the impact that movement has on your physical and mental fitness as a professional and a leader? 10 being highly aware and 1 being unaware of the impact of the movement.

John F Kennedy said, “Physical fitness is not only one of the most important keys to a healthy body but also the basis of dynamic and creative intellectual activity.”

I think we all know intellectually that regular physical activity can improve our overall health and prevent negative health outcomes for people of all ages. Yet, so many of us just don’t do it.

The CDC’s US Department of Health and Human Services conducted a National Health Survey in August 2022 and it “showed that health benefits occur with at least 150 minutes a week of moderate-intensity aerobic activity and that both aerobic and muscle strengthening activities are beneficial.”

150 minutes a week – so that is 2 and half hours a week in time and preferably doing both aerobic and muscle strengthening activities.

I am curious – since that is the recommended amount – where do you land? How many minutes of physical activity do you do a week and is it both aerobic and muscle strengthening or how would you define your activity? And there is no judgment here.

The CDC also found that “24.2% of adults aged 18 and over met the guidelines for both aerobic and muscle strengthening activities.”

That means that 75.8% of adults ages 18+ do not.

The survey also indicated, “The % of adults who met both guidelines were higher amongst men (28.3%) than women at the rate of (20.4%) and decreased with age for both men and women.”

Another interesting statistic was that among men, “Hispanic men, were least likely to meet both guidelines and while non-Hispanic white women were most likely to meet both guidelines.”

Any impressions or thoughts about these statistics?

Additionally, there has been a lot of research into the impact and risks of sitting too much.

Dr. Laskowski, who has a subspecialty certification in sports medicine, is a fellow of the American College of Sports Medicine, is co-director of the Mayo Clinic Sports Medicine Center, and a professor at the College of Medicine, Mayo Clinic, reviews issues arising from sitting too much.

He shares that research has “linked sitting for long periods of time with the number of health concerns, including obesity, increased blood pressure, high blood sugar, excess body fat and unhealthy cholesterol levels.”

Extended sitting such as behind a desk, behind the wheel, or in front of a screen can be harmful.

I am curious, how long on any given day are you sitting for extended periods of time?

Dr. Laskowski also indicated that “researchers analyzed 13 studies of sitting time and activity levels. They found that those who sat for more than 8 hours a day with no physical activity had a risk of dying like that posed by obesity and smoking.”

“However, 60-75 minutes a day of moderately intense activity countered the effects of too much sitting.”

Okay so even if you do sit throughout the day, you can counteract that by MOVING!!

Now, how does this relate to our mental fitness? Well, clearly the research indicates that lack of movement, and living sedentary lives will negatively affect our physical health. What does that do to our mental health and fitness? Here are some of the impacts:

· Higher levels of stress. When we are not moving, we are not releasing stress through movement and so it sits and lives in our bodies.

· Often our food habits and choices can be poor.

· We may have a generalized feeling of apathy, a lack of care for things and

· Our sleep can be impacted.

The other thing is that if we are not moving, we may not feel good about ourselves. We may feel worse, or our negative emotions may intensify and amplify.

So, what can we do? Here are some recommendations to inject physical activity into your day:

If you work at a desk, sit behind a wheel, or are on a screen – take a break every 30 minutes – go take a 5–10-minute walk. Walk up and down the stairs, walk outside, do something, and move your body.
Stand while talking on the phone or watching tv.
If you work at a desk, try a standing desk.
Walk with colleagues for meetings rather than sitting in a room.

Movement – even leisurely movement can have a huge positive impact.

Marcus Tullius Cicero said, “It is exercise alone that supports the spirits and keeps the mind in vigor.”

Effective Leadership = Empathy!

June 22, 2023/in Mental Fitness/by Coach Jackie

Today, you as leaders, whether you are an intrapreneur or an entrepreneur, are facing incredible challenges both personally and professionally. To meet those challenges, you must be mentally fit. You must train your brain to tackle life’s challenges in the healthiest and most positive ways. So how do you do it? How do you as a leader navigate all the demands and responsibilities of your role and maintain your own mental fitness?

This article will start to share some ways that you can increase your levels of empathy and decrease burnout. We will look at some fundamental skills to increase your mental fitness muscles so you can lead from a growth rather than a fixed mindset.

You may want to do so because you are a leader and want to build up your tool belt.

You may be a leader who is struggling with being present and grounded to support your teams.

You may be a leader who is wrestling with overwhelm, burnout and fatigue.
You may be a leader who wants to build your mental fitness capacity to manage stress and overwhelm in a healthier and more positive way.
You may be working towards a leadership role and want to best position yourself for promotion.

Whatever your reasons for reading this article, I am certainly glad that you are here.

Oprah said, “Leadership is about empathy. It is about having the ability to relate to and connect with people for the purpose of inspiring and empowering their lives.”

So, let’s start with what is mental fitness. According to Shirzad Chamine, CEO of Positive Intelligence, he says, “Mental fitness is your capacity to respond to life’s challenges with a positive rather than a negative mindset”.

Let’s use the analogy of physical fitness and as we know physical fitness is on a continuum.

Monday, April 17th was the 127th running of the Boston Marathon. I know that because when I moved to Boston to go to school many moons ago, I used to watch it. And then in 2006, I ran my first Boston marathon and in 2012 I ran my 3rd. and the last Boston marathon.

The reason I use the analogy of a marathon is that they are long. They are all 26.2 miles in length. And there are not many people that I know who can get up on any given day and just run 26.2 miles without some significant training. I am sure there are a few but they are unicorns.

The same is true for mental fitness. To respond to life’s challenges, large or small, with a healthy mindset, we must train our brains and our bodies. So, when we are met with those “marathon events” in our lives, we can handle them with better ease and flow. And manage the smaller ones too.

Mental fitness is on a continuum and is more the equivalent of the training of going to the gym and having a personal trainer.

When you start to focus on and strengthen your mental fitness skills you will see the positive impact that comes from it.

· You can achieve peak performance,

· You will achieve greater peace of mind and a sense of wellness and

· You will improve the relationships you have both personally and professionally.

According to the U.S. Council for Mental Well-Being, “the statistics may shock us into realizing how our mental health and mental fitness levels are the foundation of our human functioning.

The following statistics are for the U.S., but international trends are similar:

1 in 5 adults (52.9 million adults) experienced mental illness in 2020.
40.3 million people aged 12 or over had a substance use disorder in 2020.
32.1% of adults with mental illness also experienced a substance use disorder in 2020.
Suicide is the second-leading cause of death among people aged 10-34.
1 in 3 young adults (aged 18-25) experienced mental illness in 2020.
1 in 6 adolescents (aged 12-17) experienced a major depressive episode in 2020.”

As I mentioned, as leaders, you have an incredibly tough job these days. The workforce priorities today have really shifted. It was noted in an SHRM article, that “one of the focal points for managers is to be mindful of, pay attention to, and support their employee’s financial and emotional well-being.”

What is interesting is that I have worked in the behavioral health arena all my professional life and we were always keyed into these areas, such as everyone’s emotional health and wellbeing and healthy boundaries for example. Now it seems as though “mainstream” businesses and organizations are recognizing the importance of mental health and mental fitness.

And we know that the pandemic was a major catalyst.

So, what does that mean for leaders and what does that look like? Today, according to a WTW survey “two out of three U.S. employers (67%) plan to make employee mental health and emotional wellbeing programs and solutions one of their top three health priorities over the next three years.”

Accessible mental health services and well-being programs are certainly important offerings that an employer must consider but how do the levels of stress, overwhelm, and burnout impact you as a leader? If your job is to concentrate on your team’s well-being, who is looking out for you?

How does your self-care become a priority?

I bet the short answer is that it doesn’t.

I am curious, how well does your organization prioritize your emotional wellness? If you are an entrepreneur, how well do you prioritize your own self-care? Give yourself a rating.

On a scale of 1-10, 1 being the least and 10 being the most, how well do you prioritize your self-care daily?

I, personally, have instituted prioritizing self-care each day. And it is the small things that I inject each day throughout the day. For example, I can clear my head and reinvigorate myself just by being outside and being in nature, whether it is walking, hiking, or just sitting outside in my backyard and listening to the birds. Breathing, smelling, and feeling all the sensations when I am outside can energize or calm me down.

I have a client who is a remote worker. She shared with me that she sits at her desk all day, rarely has lunch, often doesn’t get up to walk her dog, and virtually takes little to no breaks throughout the day.

She also says that she is highly stressed, overwhelmed, and on the verge of burnout.

Microsoft Human Factor Labs used EEG caps to measure the beta wave activity, associated with levels of stress in the brain of meeting participants.

“They had a group in the study who all attended four consecutive meetings throughout the day.

One group was given breaks between the meetings and the other group was deprived of breaks after each meeting.

The study results showed that for those given breaks, the average beta wave activity remained largely steady over time and their levels of stress were low.

For those deprived of breaks, the average beta wave activity rose as time passed over the course of the day, suggesting an increased buildup of stress.”

Does that surprise you? Or does that sound about right?

When your self-care takes a back seat, you will most likely be depleted and zapped of your energy because so much of it is going to others or other things. It takes a lot of stamina to be there for your team, especially when you are supporting their emotional challenges and issues. The mental power required can be taxing. And if you do not have a good routine and practice of ensuring that your bucket is filled and gets refilled often, you will have all your juices sucked out of you with little to give yourself.

As a result, I imagine that your ability to show empathy decreases, and your levels of burnout increases!

So, where do we begin? We hear over and over that it starts with us. It starts with prioritizing yourself and developing your levels of self-empathy. For many of us exuding and showing empathy for others may be natural and in fact, that is just what saps our resources, our energy.

How do you inject the oxygen mask theory and take care of #1, before you take care of others?

What can you do each day to keep yourself present, focused, and optimally mentally fit and do so to live as fully and in your zone as possible?

I believe the same is true for self-care. What are things that we can do that are right at our fingertips, that are free, and that do not require permission from anyone else or the need to jump through hoops? Self-care is also going to look different for each of us.

So, if you have a solid daily practice that centers on self-empathy and self-care. BRAVO!! Keep it up. If you need to dial it up a bit, then consider where you can inject it and add it to your tank throughout the day. And if you score low in this area, consider one or two things you can start to do to focus on yourself.

Here is a great link that has 40 fabulous self-care ideas: Check it out!

I especially love “read a joyful story every day”. We hear so much negative noise that I find it important to focus on the good that is happening in the world!

I hope this was helpful and I appreciate you.

I will leave you with a quote.

“Never give from the depths of your well. But from your overflow.” Rumi

Collapse the Gap Between Idea and Execution

June 4, 2023/in Career Development/by Coach Jackie

I heard this fabulous phrase from a well-known coach. His name is Simon Alexander Ong and it absolutely captures the work I believe we have in front of us whether it is personal, professional, and/or spiritual. The phrase is “Collapse the Gap between Idea and Execution” and in this article, I want to share with you three strategies on how to help you do exactly that; Collapse the Gap between Idea and Execution.

So, I would like for you to take a moment and think about something that you want to have happen in your life. It can be anything – something personal, something professional; it can be large or small. Something that is meaningful to you. And I want you to hold this focus during your time reading this article.

Now I bet all of you “KNOW” what you should do to make that happen. You are incredibly educated, highly informed, and aware and know what you SHOULD do to make this happen. However, there is this space between your ears that houses our brains, and inside their lives these critics, these judges, and saboteurs that get in our way and derail and hijack us from our destinations.

These judges and saboteurs tell us what we can and cannot do, what we can and cannot be and they feed us lies that create these gaps between idea and execution.

So, 11 years ago, in 2022 I ran my 4th marathon and my 3rd Boston marathon. It was the year before the 2013 bombings and if you followed the marathon that year, it was about 90 degrees and runners throughout were dropping off the course like flies due to the heat.

Ten years earlier, on November 2, 2002, I lived my first day smoke-free. Cigarettes that is – as I had smoked for over two decades at least a pack, pack and half a day. My quitting story is captured in this article.

When I quit, I knew that I needed to do something that was counter to smoking so I started to run. Well, I started to walk and then walking turned into running. I soon started running 5K’s, then 10K’s, then half marathons and then in 2004, I ran my first marathon.

I ran as fast as you walk, and at that point, I decided to run with charity organizations. In doing so we raised money for some amazing charities, and we were provided with a coach and a team to train and assist us in running and events.

A week before my first Boston marathon, our coach Rick said to our team, “Now when you get to mile 13 look for me as I have a message that will get you to the finish line.”

So, running a marathon, like most things in life, is a mental game. I had to create a whole host of mental games from mile 1 – mile 12 to just get to Rick at mile 13. So, as I was running the race and approaching mile 13, I was feverishly looking for Rick. I was scanning all around and when I looked down, I saw Rick crouched in the middle of the road looking right at me. Our eyes locked and I was saying to myself, “Okay Rick give it to me, ’cause whatever you are going to tell me it is going to get me to the finish line.” And I recall waiting for what seemed like minutes but was seconds. What is this magical message that Rick is going to give?

And then before I knew it, I saw him pointing to his head with his pointer finger. What??? That is all you got for me. And then I realized, Ahhhh, it is all in my HEAD. Yes, it is all in my head. Rick was telling me, getting to the finish line is all in my head. And it was – it got me to the finish line.

So here is the first strategy for collapsing the gap between idea and execution:

Anchor an Empowering State of Mind:

Anchor an empowering state of mind. This means shifting from a negative mindset – away from your judges and saboteurs and into a positive frame of mind. This is primary and key. It is step number one. Tell your judges and your saboteurs that you “Got this!” Tell yourself what you would tell your closest friend, your child, or any loved one when they are doubting themselves that they have everything to Get It Done!

Second, I am a huge fan of “Micro Living” and what I mean by that is taking things and breaking them into chunks and micro goals, so they become doable and attainable.

Most of the time, our goals, our desires, and our destinations feel too overwhelming, too much, too complicated, too, and add whatever words fit for you and then we get scared and allow our fear to take over. We can both be fearful and do it anyway.

So, when I was training – I focused on what I needed to do that day, and even on the runs, sometimes I would run telephone pole to telephone pole, or block to block – I created small increments that I could focus on and broke it down.

Once you have an empowered state, chunk out and break down the steps into tiny bite-sized pieces. This is microchunking.

And lastly, when you train for the Boston Marathon, you train for about 16 weeks from Thanksgiving through April. And living in New England, you are training in the cold, snowy, and wet weather. I would get up at 5 am and run anywhere from 5 – 20 miles on any given day and let me tell you – there was nothing in my body that was motivated to get up in the pitch dark cold wintery months and go out and run.

Here is what I did. I operationalized my training. And what did that mean exactly? I would just create physical steps that I took to get out there. So, I set my running clothes out the night before, I went to bed early, I set my alarm and when it went off, I got up, went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, had a cup of coffee (I really needed that) and then walked out the door and started to run. I was a machine – I just operated in a robotic fashion. I did not let my brain say anything that would stop my body from moving and getting out that door.

Some of us wait for this explosion of inspiration. I will do X when I am inspired and motivated. I will say this loudly and clearly. I am not a fan of motivation. Why? Because you can be waiting to ignite your motivation for a long time. Here is the trick. DO IT and then the motivation will come. I repeat, DO IT and then the motivation will come.

So, I would go through my operational steps and once I was outside – not immediately but at some point, during my run, my motivation and inspiration would come.

So, step 3 – DO IT and Motivation will Come. Motion and Action Create Emotion!!

There you have it – now please reflect on the goal you were thinking of – use these three steps to collapse the gap between Idea and Execution and see just what you are made of!

· Anchor an Empowering State

· Chunk it Out, create Micro Steps and

· Do not wait to be inspired. Do It and Motivation will Come.

Permission to Rest, Read and Recover!

March 24, 2023/in Mental Fitness/by Coach Jackie

Coach Jackie here. I am in the last stages of recovering from bronchitis. Ugg! Right? No fun!

Here is the thing. I rarely get sick. I am one of those unusual New Englanders who venture out in all kinds of weather, especially during the winter, and play outside in the cold. My favorite time of the year to hike is yes WINTER! I lead a hiking and social Meetup group for the LGBTQ+ community in Litchfield CT. Just as an example.

But I am not immune from getting sick and these past two weeks were a doozy!

Initially:

I worried about not being available for my business.
I felt guilty about not taking care of household stuff.
I felt restless and wanted to move.
I was concerned that I would lose the levels of fitness I had gained over the last several months after diligently going to the gym 4 times a week and hiking every weekend and so on ….

The upside is that those concerns lasted only about a couple of days. Not bad. With a lot of encouragement from my partner, family, and friends I received these reassurances:

My body needed rest to recover! PERIOD!

Yes, I could step away from work, exercise, and chores and things would not fall apart.

Instead, I:

Read two great books! What My Bones Know by Stephanie Foo and Klara and the Sun by Kazuo Ishiguro; one nonfiction and the other fiction. Great reads BTW. I highly recommend them both!
Realized that I want to start a monthly book club and add that to my Meetup group
Slept a lot! I needed it.
Binged on the Netflix series, Marco Polo. Not done yet … but am LOVING IT!
Wore no makeup for almost two weeks! Yeah!!!

By showing myself a high level of self-love and self-care, with the support of my partner, I am getting better every day and will return healthier than before.

Just curious – What have you learned when you have allowed yourself to rest & recover even during random times throughout your day? I would love to hear your thoughts!

MOJO for Leaders

February 6, 2023/in Mental Fitness, Networking/by Coach Jackie

Are you a manager, a director, or a leader? If so, you have a tough job these days. This is true for any leader, whether you are an intrapreneur or an entrepreneur, and whether the people on your team are your employees, clients, or stakeholders. The priorities that the workforce is bringing into the work environment have really shifted. It was noted in an SHRM article, one that of the focal points for managers is to be mindful of, pay attention to, and support their employee’s financial and emotional well-being.

What does that mean and look like exactly? Today, according to a WTW survey two out of three U.S. employers (67%) plan to make employee mental health and emotional wellbeing programs and solutions one of their top three health priorities over the next three years.

I bet the short answer is that it doesn’t. Your self-care probably takes a back seat. You are most likely depleted and zapped of your energy because so much of it is going to others. It takes a lot of stamina to be there for your team, especially when you are supporting their emotional challenges and issues. The mental power required can be taxing. And if you do not have a good routine and practice of ensuring that your bucket is filled and gets refilled often, you will have all your juice sucked out of you.

When I was working in the behavioral health field and working with clients who had significant emotional challenges, those staff who did not take care of themselves would easily burn out and do so quickly. It was especially true for those of us who were natural empaths; those who can absorb and take on other people’s issues and problems. And now in the workplace, managers have become pseudo-counselors where they must at least recognize that emotional issues and mental health may be at play with their team.

So how do you fill your well? How do you inject the oxygen mask theory and take care of #1, before you take care of others? What can you do each day to keep yourself present, focused, and optimally mentally fit and do so to live as fully and in your zone as possible?

I remember one of the tips that I used to share with new managers regarding ways to recognize their workforce was to acknowledge folx right away and do things that were easily accessible, free and did not require you to jump through any hoops. I believe the same is true for self-care. What are things that we can do that are right at our fingertips, that are free, and that does not require permission from anyone else?

And typically, most of those things are right in front of us. We just do not tap into or access them. For example, what if I told you that r esearchers in Finland found that visiting the outdoors three to four times a week was associated with lower odds of needing treatment for anxiety, asthma, depression, or insomnia?

Imagine what the impact would be if we went outside for a brisk 2-minute walk a few times a day. What if you knew that doing 6 minutes of walking outside could reduce your stress and increase your green time over your screen time?

As a mental fitness coach, I work with clients to develop and build their core mental fitness muscles so they can navigate and manage daily life challenges and stressors. I do this, especially with leaders who need to recharge and re-energize so they can perform optimally. One of the chief ways in doing so is to focus on one physical sensation, called PQ reps, for one to two minutes. Here are some examples of PQ reps and things that you have accessible and available to you at any time during any situation each day.

Breath

Notice the rise and fall of your breath in your chest and abdomen.
Notice your breath entering and leaving your nostrils. Feel the air moving and what temperature it is.

Touch

Rub your thumb and forefinger together with such attention that you feel the ridges on both fingers.
Wiggle your toes, noticing each one of them.
Touch an object in your physical environment and notice what it feels like.
Feel the weight of your whole body on your seat.

Sound

Listen for the farthest sounds you can hear (eyes open or closed).
Listen for the nearest sounds you can hear, including your own breathing.
Isolate the sound of a single instrument while listening to music.

Sight

Look at something in your physical environment with intense attention, noticing every detail.

Other Ideas

Eat something and close your eyes; focus intently on the taste, texture, and/or sound as you chew.
Shower and feel the water as it washes over you… hear the water, smell the soap.
Hug a loved one and notice his/her/their heart beating.
Walk, noticing ALL that you can, one at a time: what you see, your breath, the feel of your feet as they hit the ground, your muscles as they move you forward, the sounds and smells.

These are some suggestions to help you get grounded now.

What are you willing and committed to doing? And what are you waiting for? We all intellectually know that to be our best and to serve others at our maximum and highest potential, we must prioritize our own emotional well-being and mental fitness first.

What is one action that you can inject and incorporate over the next week, 15 minutes a day, that will help you be more present and mindful?

Today, leaders are charged with needing to be aware and attentive to their team’s mental health. To do that well, self-care is even more critical.

“The more we practice mindfulness the more we understand the emotional dynamics of the self and others.” Amit Ray

Reach out if you want to learn more about the 8-week mental fitness program I offer through Positive Intelligence.

20-years Smoke-Free

October 29, 2022/in Career Development/by Coach Jackie

November 02, 2022, will be my twenty-year anniversary of being smoke-free. Yes – 20 years ago I quit smoking for good. I will share with you, my journey.

I can remember as far back as being 11 years old and smoking my first cigarette. We had a babysitter who smoked. I recall being persistent with her and managing to get her to give me one. I was a real pain in the “you know what” and nudged her until she caved and gave me one of them. After that, a couple of my friends would steal cigarettes from their parents, and we would smoke in the woods. I am sure many of you can relate.

Then at 13 years of age, on Friday nights, we would go to the movies or the roller rink and we would buy a pack of Parliaments and smoke a pack of cigarettes those nights. I cannot believe they sold us cigarettes, but they did. This was when you could smoke in movie theaters. There was one side of the theater for those of us that smoked. I now feel for those nonsmokers who were trying to enjoy their movie but had waves of smoke blown in their faces.

My smoking habit increased and became more frequent. At the age of 15, I smoked on a regular basis and would hang out in the “back of the school” where all the smokers spent time together. We were referred to as the “burnouts” and there were a lot of us who smoked. It was the “cool” thing to do. Between classes, we were all out there like hungry animals puffing away and “bumming” smokes off each other.

Smoking now had become part of my daily routine. I went from smoking Parliaments to Marlborough’s to Marlborough 100’s over time. Not that the brand of cigarettes really matters but as a smoker, you do have a cigarette preference. For instance, I never liked menthol cigarettes.

Fast forward to a couple of decades later, and I was now in my mid 30’s and still smoking; anywhere from a pack to sometimes a pack and a half a day. I really enjoyed smoking. I never thought of quitting. I honestly thought I would smoke for the rest of my life.

Then in the summer of 2002, I went to a women’s fitness camp in Colorado based on a colleague’s recommendation. The fitness retreat was called Women’s Quest which was run by Colleen Cannon, who was an accomplished athlete. Colleen, along with several other world-class athletes ran this weeklong camp for women strictly based on optimizing health, and wellness, and engaging in total fitness activities throughout the week. We would get up early to have a nutritious and healthy breakfast, do some yoga and then go for a run, hike, or mountain biking depending on the day.

Each day was filled with various sports and physical activities along with a guided lecture by one of the women athletes on a topic such as training, mindfulness, etc. In addition, there were exercises to increase self-awareness through journaling, and of course, we had some downtime during the day to just relax and soak up the beauty of the mountain landscape. They also did a fantastic job of incorporating FUN and playfulness. We would “skip” around the room like when we were kids. It was a total experience of reclaiming ourselves within a safe group.

And amazingly, I still smoked. I would wait until about 3 pm when we had some free time, and I would go several hundred yards away from the cabin and sneak a smoke. I had this ignorant and naïve notion that after I washed my hands and sprayed some air fragrance that no one knew I smoked. I was wrong. The women there never said anything to me except for one person. And all she said was, “You smoke?” in a non-accusatory but questioning fashion. And that was all it took. At that moment, I started feeling an emotion that I had not experienced related to my smoking and that was the feeling of sheer embarrassment. For the first time, I was embarrassed that I was a smoker.

The feeling of embarrassment stayed with me even when I returned home to Boston. Several days later I was on the “T,” Boston’s subway system, and I was reading a paper that was created by the homeless and on the back page of the paper, there were ads to participate in various studies conducted by the local universities. One stared me straight in the eyes. It was a research study to help you quit smoking. It was conducted by Harvard University, and it was a study on “the patch.” When I got home that night, I called the number, left my information, and hoped that I could get in.

I was enrolled in the program shortly after I reached out and had to travel to Boston 4 times a week to go through the preliminary work before I actually “quit”. When the day came to quit, we had to select to do it on a Saturday – YES, a Saturday, the worst possible day to start or stop something. You usually do that on a Monday but now I had to quit on a Saturday and so Saturday, November 2, 2002, was the day. Saturday, November 2nd was the first day I became smoke-free.

Day 1 was awful. I vowed that I never wanted to experience Day 1 again, so I kept going. On Day 2, I experienced another awful day, and I vowed that I never wanted to experience Day 2 again and so on. I just kept telling myself that if I continued it would get better and that I never wanted to experience those initial painful and awful days again. At this point I wanted, I was resigned to quitting. I was doing it I would tell myself. Day 2 turned into 3, then 4, then before I knew it a week had gone by, then 2 weeks, then a month, and so on. I just kept going.

I decided that on my first weekend of quitting that I would go to places where I could not smoke. I went to the mall, the movies, etc. anywhere I could not smoke. I also did not allow myself to drink alcohol, which is. Not that I was a big drinker, I was not, I just knew that drinking led to smoking, and often smoked a lot.

It was working and I was not smoking. Do not get me wrong, it was hard. It was one of the most difficult things I have done in my life and at the same time the best thing I have done for myself.

When I went to work that first Monday, I realized that I was not taking my frequent smoke breaks. I had more time to do more work. In retrospect, it became apparent that I had been paid for my smoke breaks and paid for chunks of time over the years that I was not actually working.

I also began realizing that the times that I had thought would be the toughest for me i.e., driving in the car, after a meal, etc. were not the worst times when I was craving a cigarette. The worst times were connected to my emotional state. A realization I only made during this quitting period. Often, I smoked to release boredom. Yes, I smoked when I was bored.

I then told myself I needed to do an activity to counter my desire to smoke. I decided to start running. Well, when I say running, I do not mean I was blazing trails and kicking up dust; I started a slow jog. I figured if I incorporated exercise that required strong lungs and breathing it would lessen my need to smoke. It worked.

I needed to build up my lung capacity as I would quickly be out of breath. I would start running one block at a time and then I would walk the rest. I used a training system where I built up to running for 3 minutes, then walking for one minute and I would repeat this over and over. I was able to increase that over time when I ran for 9 minutes and walked for one minute and repeated that cycle. This was the technique I used to train and eventually used to run the four marathons I completed.

So, yes, I am at the 20-year mark of being “smoke-free”. I share my story because there was a time when I never even entertained or thought that leaving my relationship with cigarettes would occur. I believed deep down that I could never actually do it. I had this mindset and perception that quitting was an impossible feat and therefore I was destined to be a lifelong smoker. So, I never attempted to quit, until I went on that fateful trip to Colorado. It was there that I realized the power I did have and that I made the decision to exercise that power.

In my early 20s, I recall going to watch the Boston Marathon every year and being on the sidelines at the last turn of the race at Hereford and Boylston. I used to watch the runners every year on Patriots Day with admiration and respect. I would say to myself, one day I am going to do this. I would say it with intention and desire, however, I never really thought I would. I proved myself wrong.

Quitting smoking led to me training and completing four marathons, three of which were in Boston, which eventually led to other major leaps such as becoming a solopreneur. It all started with that feeling of sheer embarrassment and the belief that I could do better; that I deserved better.

What false beliefs have you dismantled?

What limiting thoughts have you challenged?

I know many have said this but trust me, if I can do it so can you! No doubt! It is a simple and true statement.

What is one area that you want to change but feel is unattainable? Dig deep and know that our only limitations are those that are self-imposed.

“Believe in yourself. You are braver than you think, more talented than you know, and capable of more than you imagine.” Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

Join me in celebrating my 20th smoke-free anniversary!! I am going to relish a little in this huge feat!

Three Tips to Build Epic Levels of Confidence

September 27, 2022/in Mental Fitness/by Coach Jackie

As a career development coach, one of the professional skills that my clients develop in our work together is igniting their levels of confidence. Interestingly, these are folx that are highly intelligent, successful, and well revered by their peers and superiors. Yet, they come to our initial coaching sessions reporting feelings of inadequacies and bouts of self-doubt.

In other words, their inner critics wreak havoc on their beliefs about who they are, what they are capable of, and their sense of worthiness. These critics are harsh and tear down their self-worth. The constant internal negative messages make them question and second guess their abilities.

Do any of these feelings resonate with you? Are you someone whose internal voices tell you that you are not good enough? Do you want to present with more confidence? Do you want to build your executive presence and gain more visibility? If you are saying yes to any of these questions, I will share three tips on how to build your confidence muscles.

Let us start with exploring confidence. What is confidence exactly? You can see it easily in others. You know it exists. You can visualize colleagues and leaders that you know who have “it.”

Tip #1 Believe You Can Achieve!

As defined by Dr. Margie Warrell, “confidence is not a fixed attribute; it’s the outcome of the thoughts we think and the actions we take. No more; no less. It is not based on your actual ability to succeed at a task but your belief in your ability to succeed.” What a powerful concept. I will repeat, “it is the outcome of the thoughts we think and the actions we take.”

Based on Dr. Warrell’s definition of confidence, believing that you can do something is one of the steps toward greater confidence however it does not paint the entire picture. Our thoughts are the first ingredient in the process. So, counter those negative internal messages with positive ones that say, “Heck Yes”! I can and will do this! It may sound oversimplified and corny however Tony Robbins says, “The only thing that’s keeping you from getting what you want is the story you keep telling yourself.” So, recreate and rewrite your story.

Tip #2 Visualize Your Confidence!

A powerful tool to aid in this process is called visualization, or a mental rehearsal of what you want in your life. We can picture what we want by using all our senses to capture what it would look like and feel like to achieve our goals.

For example, one of my clients Tina can get very flustered at work when someone says something that triggers her in a negative way. When she is triggered, she can shut down and be silent. A strategy that she uses to set emotional boundaries is to visualize that there is a bubble around her that cannot be penetrated. She works to create a protective shield to minimize the potential hurt and impact. She uses this visualization exercise in private and actively at the moment. Tina has been successfully using this visualization technique to keep her emotions regulated and respond to difficult conversations and people in a more positive way.

Another example that utilizes visualization has been the infamous basketball study conducted by Dr. Blaslotto at the University of Chicago in 1996 where he split people into three groups and tested each group on how many free throws they could make.

Dr. Blaslotto’s study “was conducted by asking a group of students who had been randomly selected to take a series of free throws. The percentage of made free throws were tallied. The students were then divided into three groups and asked to perform three separate tasks over a 30-day period.

1. The first group was told not to touch a basketball for 30 days, no practicing or playing basketball whatsoever.

2. The second group was told to practice shooting free throws for a half hour a day for 30 days.

3. The third group was to come to the gym every day for 30 days and spend a half hour with their eyes closed, simply visualizing hitting every free throw.

After the 30 days, all three groups were asked to come back and take the same number of free throws they had at the beginning of the study.

1. The first group of students who did not practice at all showed no improvement.

2. The second group had practiced every day and showed a 24% improvement.

3. The third group, however, the group which had simply visualized successful free throws, showed a 23% improvement.

The measurable improvement in the group that purely visualized the exercise was virtually the same as the group that had physically practiced.

If you were to ask Tiger Woods or Michael Jordan about visualization, they would tell you that before they take a shot, they visualize success.”

Tip #3: Operationalize Your Confidence!

Get out there and do it. May be another oversimplified technique yet very effective. To gain more confidence, you must practice the heck out of your goal with intensity and consistency. The stark reality is that you will not get better at doing something without building muscle. To build the muscles, you must do it on a regular basis.

One of my clients, Esther, was looking to increase her networking connections and community. However, she dreaded the idea of networking. Esther identified herself as an introvert and feared looking and sounding foolish in front of others. Conversely, she knew that to build her network she needed to get out there and connect with people. She initially felt like she was walking on “Jell-O” yet over time, with consistent practice both virtually and in-person, Esther felt the ground under her feet was getting firm. Esther was becoming an excellent networker and a great connector. She worked networking into her monthly schedule and developed relationships where she became known, liked, and trusted by others. Esther still gets anxious prior to any networking meeting however she knows both scenarios can be true; still feels anxious and does it anyway. Esther has earned veteran networking status.

These three tips, put into motion, will be a catalyst for building your levels of confidence. You may feel it is unattainable and that you need to “be and act” like others who seem to have “it.” Confidence building will become more palatable and doable when you realize that you have the power to define, create, and design your own confident look and persona.

If your career development goals focus on developing and establishing a higher level of self-confidence, here is some homework to get you ready. Start with answering the following questions:

1. In five short phrases or words, what does confidence in the workplace look like to you?

2. Who possesses a level of confidence that you admire and why?

3. In what areas do you already feel a sense of confidence at work?

4. What is one small action that you can take at work to make you feel more confident this week?

Make a valiant attempt at answering the questions above and start the process of elevating confidence on your terms. As Williams Shakespeare said, “Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt.” Attempt on my friends …. That builds confidence.

Tell Your RAS What to Focus On

September 12, 2022/in Career Development/by Coach Jackie

When was the last time that you purchased a new car? It did not have to be a “new” new car exactly; just new to you. If you are like most, you did your research. You looked at all the factors that are important to you when purchasing a vehicle, such as what you need, what you want, your budget etc.

And after doing your extensive research, you landed on that yellow Jeep as your final decision. Yes, a yellow Jeep. And once you have come to this decision, you have just told your brain that a yellow Jeep is exactly what you want. And then something interesting happens. Yellow Jeeps start popping up all over the place.

Now is that because the universe has just dumped thousands of yellow Jeeps on the road? No, the reason that you are now seeing yellow Jeeps all over town is that you have given your brain something specific to focus on.

You have told your brain what is essential and the part of the brain that you are navigating is the Reticular Activating System (RAS). RAS is the part of the brain that determines what you are going to focus on based on what you tell it to focus on.

Your RAS does not discriminate, meaning your RAS does not know if your thoughts are good ones or bad ones. It does not know if your thoughts support you toward your desired goals or detract you. And it does not know if your thoughts are good for you or not.

Whatever you tell your RAS it will find evidence to support it.

How does this apply to you and the options that you have in your career? If you feel that a work situation is untenable, and you think that there are no possible ways that you can move forward, your RAS will find all the supporting evidence to prove you are right. The situation will be untenable, will lack a solution and you will remain stuck. What you think will determine what comes your way.

So, practice telling your brain where you want to go. Decide on what you are going to tell your RAS. For example, tell yourself you got this! You are going to find a way! You are going to find the value, gifts, and opportunities in this tough situation even if you do not know exactly what they are right now.

The message here is not to act or pretend as if everything is “dandy” and it is not about painting an unrealistic picture. You must identify and address the good, the bad, and the ugly. Yet, it is important to understand that the thoughts and impressions you “anchor in” will inform your RAS.

Take command and tell your RAS what you want it to focus on. Your thoughts are going to direct you! So, choose them wisely.