As a career development coach, I often hear my clients reporting that they lack confidence. These individuals are intelligent, successful, and are highly revered by their peers and superiors. Yet, many of them report feelings of inadequacies and experience the well-known imposter syndrome. I guess this should not be surprising; liking and appreciating yourself is the most challenging and important tasks you are faced to conquer. Often, you have past experiences and events that shape a low or poor self-image.

In the following confidence building series, I will peel away the layers of this thing called “confidence” and share some tips and strategies for you to strengthen and build it in the workplace. Research shows that the higher levels of confidence you have, the greater levels of success and productivity you will generate. This confidence building series will identify how capture it, bottle it and spritz it on when you feel you need it the most.

So, what exactly is confidence? You can see it easily in others. You know it exists. You can visualize colleagues and leaders that you know who have “it”. A client, Heather, quickly referred to Condoleezza Rice as someone who she admired and felt depicted confidence. She described that Condoleezza “comes across as introverted and despite that, she has a strong confident presence. She doesn’t conform to social norms expected of her age, race or gender. She stated her position unapologetically. She is humble and respectful”.

Meriam-Webster defines confidence as “a feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities”. So, confidence is a feeling and a belief. But I think it is a bit more. It may start there yet it manifests into something far more apparent that creates a feeling and experience when you are in its presence.

Confidence has many faces and will serve a variety of purposes. One area it serves is your sense of self-respect and self-admiration. According to Mark Leary, a researcher on self-confidence and self-esteem, says that people with lots of confidence in their capabilities approach difficult tasks as challenges to be mastered rather than as threats to be avoided. They set themselves challenging goals and maintain a strong commitment to them. Therefore, self-confidence has value and will benefit your success and achievements both professionally and personally.

When asked to describe confidence, it is difficult to nail confidence down to just one thing. Rather, it appears to be the overall essence of a person who embodies varied qualities that make up their observable levels of confidence. It is like an ice cream flavor that you want to order but doesn’t have a name just yet.

Think about what it would be like if you were going to order that flavor; the flavor of confidence. You say to your server that “you want that – what she has” as you wring your hands together attempting to describe the taste you are trying to put into words. But the name and all its ingredients seem elusive. The goal towards building confidence in the workplace is to create your own recipe; blend, scoop and sprinkle the components that make you, you.

If confidence building feels unattainable it may be that you think you need to “be and act” like others who seem to have “it”. Confidence building will become more palatable and doable when you realize that you define, create, and design your own confidence look and persona.

In my upcoming series of articles on building confidence, I will explore and drill down ways for you to heighten your self-confidence so that you can exude courage and faith in yourself particularly in the workplace. Here are the areas for further discussion:

· Your self-awareness,

· Your mindset,

· Your actions,

· Your ability to “own it” and

· Putting yourself out there.

If your career development goals focus on developing and establishing a higher level of self-confidence, please make sure to read my upcoming building confidence series. Here is some homework to get you ready. Start with answering the following questions:

1. In five short phrases or words, what does confidence in the workplace look like to you?

2. Who possess a level of confidence that you admire and why?

3. In what areas do you already feel a sense of confidence at work?

4. What is one small action that you can take at work to make you feel more confident this week?

Make a valiant attempt at answering the questions above and start the process of elevating confidence on your terms. As Williams Shakespeare said, “Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt”. Attempt on my friends …. That builds confidence.

What if emotional outbursts were allowed at work? I attended a virtual meeting with Angelique Kim, Business Development Partner at SNHU (Southern New Hampshire University) this past week. She shared with our group updates, news, and focus areas for the University’s five-year strategic plan. When her news reel was finished, she asked us to share our thoughts, impressions or emotional outbursts about what she had just communicated.

Thoughts? Sure, we were given a space to convey our thoughts. Impressions? Yes. A forum to share what resonated with us about the information provided. Emotional outbursts? Huh? Did she just give us permission to react wildly, with frantic energy and hysteria? I laughed out loud. I have worked in the social service sector for almost three decades and even in that type of environment, I had never heard the option in a work place situation that sanctioned “emotional outbursts”.

Angelique went on to share that SNHU asks employees to share their thoughts, impressions and emotional outbursts during every meeting and forum. She went on to say that it offers employees an opportunity to express their honest and frank opinions without judgment. I liked her explanation. But without that explicit invitation from an organization’s leader, how should you mange your emotional reactions in the workplace?

Can you think of a time where you reacted to a situation at work with a strong emotional edge or intensity and later questioned if that was the right thing to do? Jessica, a coaching client of mine, shared with me a situation when she was overloaded and overwhelmed by her job. The work demands had increased, she was doing the job of three and she felt like she could not get out from under. She recalls feeling stressed and on edge where feelings of anger and resentment began to emerge.

One day she reported that she walked past a senior manager in the hallway and scowled at him. When she got back to her office, she realized what she had just done, and it did not sit well with her. She was worried that she would be called out for her rudeness and started to question her behavior. She began to reflect and gained some insight. She had misdirected her frustration and stress on someone more senior than her. This person represented being the cause of her duress and she wanted them to experience and feel her angst. She immediately decided that this was not how she wanted to handle her work stressors.

There could be a host of situations in your workplace that elicits and triggers a strong emotional reaction. It could be the fear of making a mistake, uncertainty about your company and their financial viability, stepping into a new situation that scares you, making a presentation in front of your colleagues, team or senior leaders, your upcoming performance review just to name some examples. Everyone experiences situations differently and it is important that you become aware of the ones that trigger reactions that you want to have a better handle on. Having a proactive plan in place will assist you to maneuver these situations more effectively. You can guide your reactions and take steps to become more cognizant and planful.

Below are three steps you can incorporate when you are struck with a work situation that drives your impulse to react emotionally.

Number 1 – Accept responsibility and own your reactions.

It starts with taking personal accountability to your reactions. There will many situations that will get under your skin and drive your impulse to react. What you do with those reactions and how you choose to respond will be key. Justifying and rationalizing your reactions can lend to a limiting way in which you deal with situations to begin with. Even though you may have every sound explanation to do, say or even react as you may have, your emotional reaction may not provide the optimal result that you desire in the long run.

Immediately after Jessica roared like a lion to one of her senior managers, she owned it. She staked claim that her reaction was hers and hers alone and she took responsibility by acknowledging how she fumbled with her high level of frustration. Jessica looked inward and gained a personal insight. She acknowledged that although her negative feelings were normal and natural to have, her reaction to them has an impact on others.

Number 2 – Recognize the emotions experienced and why.

When you encounter a situation that triggers a strong emotional reaction try to identify what emotions you were experiencing and who was present at the time. Ask yourself the following questions; what may have triggered your emotional outburst and what were the feelings that were connected? Gaining insight and awareness will assist you in discovering the root of the issue.

Jessica identified that she was angry, frustrated and feeling exploited. When she saw this senior manager, she targeted him and zeroed in on him as the source. At that moment, he was one of the parties responsible for her ill feelings, so why shouldn’t he feel the “sting”? This exploration process was cathartic as Jessica became aware that her feelings were valid, and her reaction had been misguided.

Number 3 – Identify how you want to feel and create a plan on how you will go about achieving it.

It would be unrealistic and almost unconscionable to require yourself to divorce your emotions from your daily work experiences. It is normal and natural to feel and express your emotions. The question becomes how you want to feel and how do you activate and achieve those feelings. Susan David states that we want to work on the concept of workability. She encourages you to act on your values. Engage and practice steps that will serve you and others in your collective purpose.

Jessica’s core value of treating others with respect was compromised in this situation. Instead, she decided that moving forward she was going to practice taking deep breaths when she started to feel overwhelmed and stressed, take a brief and brisk 5-minute walk outside of her office building, and talk with her manager to strategize ways to manage her workload better. Although, these steps were not magic cures they did allow Jessica to own her feelings and reactions, gain greater self-awareness, develop a plan for action and feel confidently more in control.

Tony Robbins says, “It is your decision, and not your conditions, that determine your destiny”. Your emotions are innately part of you and are often triggered by your life experiences, the way in which you see the world, and your unmet needs. How you decide to own, recognize and plan expressing your feelings in the workplace is up to you.

The ability to communicate your thoughts and ideas clearly in front of a group is a professional skill you’ll need to advance in your career. Developing a high level of competence and confidence in public speaking will increase the perception others have of your abilities and enhance your eligibility for promotion. However, I know that the thought of speaking to a group, can generate fear and possibly an unnerving level of anxiety. This state even has a name: glossophobia – the fear of public speaking.

Twenty five years ago I debuted conducting my first trainings and as a professional speaker I have now delivered well over 2000+ workshops and presentations since then. It may seem surprising, but I do continue to practice the following strategies to work through the normal presentation jitters.

So, if you are about to update your team on a project, having a prepared script with a compelling message, an analysis of the needs of your audience and audio/visual illustrations ready are key. Then, follow these three tips to help you get into your best presentation flow and rhythm.

Tip #1 – Be you and the best you.

There are a wealth of amazing speakers out there ranging from my personal favorite, Tony Robbins, to Les Brown, to Nick Vujicic just to name a few who have created their own unique speaking personas. And as much as I would love to be viewed as a female version of Tony Robbins, I could never emulate and capture that same style without losing some parts of myself.

So, I encourage you to identify the qualities of those speakers you admire and adopt and tap into what fits you and your personality. Encourage yourself to believe that to be a credible speaker and presenter you must bring yourself to the ‘stage’. You do not have to be anyone else but you. For example, you will more effectively facilitate a meeting and share your important messages to your team and colleagues when done with authenticity.

Tip #2 – You can be an introvert and be an exceptional speaker.

You can be an introvert and an amazing speaker however if you are an introvert you may need to drum up your extroverted persona while on ‘stage’. Most often people tend to associate shyness and introversion as analogous. These two tendencies are different from one another. You may believe that introversion and public speaking may not be aligned. However, advocating for a point of view at a team meeting is important and will get your voice and opinion on the table.

Introversion, in fact, is more about where you derive your energy and where you recharge your batteries rather than if you could speak in front of others. For example, most people don’t believe me when I say that I am an introvert. I can happily present in front of hundreds of people and do so with energy and vitality however the impact is that it does drain my energy source. Conducive to refueling for introverts, I need to do so in a quiet, solitary place. Barack Obama, Warren Buffett and Michael Jordan are all examples of exceptional public speakers and are introverts. If you are an introvert, you may need to find some private solace after conducting a training in order to re-energize.

Tip #3 – Practice the heck out of your material.

Practice, practice, practice and practice some more. For example, you may be training a new group of employees on a new process or system. To be best prepared practice in the car, practice at home, practice anywhere you can and do so out loud. Whether I am preparing for a networking event or conducting a workshop or presentation I practice what I am going to say out loud repeatedly. I do so until I feel comfortable with my presentation and delivery.

Christopher Witt recommends a three-tiered speech practice system; practice your speech in your mind, stand up and practice your speech out loud and then stand up and practice your speech in a setting like where you will be presenting.

Carmine Gallo came up with a phrase called “the magic power of 10”. He notes that if you practice your presentation out loud, with clicker in hand, at least ten times, you will be significantly more confident, comfortable and polished.

So, if you want to kick up your public speaking delivery at your next team meeting with self-assurance and credence, utilize these three tips. As Mark Twain stated, “it usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech”.

As a career coach, my clients often share that the expectation to work additional hours and to increase productivity is ever growing. The work load intensity and relentless pressure to pump out more can be overwhelming and exhausting. Many of my clients indicate that this workload expectation has led to burnout and that our digital diet is a contributor.